Oh yeah, who saw that coming? What is this about?
Please, like you don't know.
I am not actively looking for someone to date. I am not going out to bars and clubs looking for the perfect jerk to occupy my time. I don't flirt with strangers walking down the street. Actually, I probably don't flirt at all. Maybe, I am secretly waiting for prince charming to come out of the shadows and sweep me off my feet. Can it happen? I like to believe so.
While I am not throwing myself out there I do wonder, what does it take to snag an unexpecting victim? It can't take much right? Bat my eyes, wink, blow kisses and smile, swing my hips in that sexy kind of way. I can do all that. I can giggle at stupid jokes that make no sense (it is easy to make me laugh). I am convinced that I am the perfect candidate for the perfect girlfriend.
Why am I the perfect girlfriend? I don't whine much, I don't need a lot of attention, I don't like to go on shopping sprees every day of the week (or once a week, or once a month...ever). I don't get mad when a guy lets out some obnoxious bodily sound (yeah, farts, burps, other disturbing sounds) they make me laugh. I am not high maintenance and it only takes me an hour tops to get ready (this includes showering and flat ironing my hair and adding a little makeup). And I am probably just as dirty minded as most guys...seriously. Therefore, I am the perfect girlfriend and don't argue with me on this or I will stab you in the eye. ;)
I am doing nothing wrong in attracting a guy, I am just not putting out the effort right now. This lead to me thinking, when I do put out the effort what am I looking for. That is when the Application for Love came about.
So far I have compiled a list of things I would like in a boyfriend. It's not much really, just take a look;
- Has to have a job
- Has to have a car (call me shallow!)
- Some education would be nice but not necessary
- Has to be nice
- Love kids
- Love animals (dogs, cats, critters and creepy crawlys.)
- Must not take my jokes about killing serious. (I am not going to hide my morbid..ness)
- Must get along with my parents and my brother (though this will come later)
Maybe I should write this out as a job listing. How funny would that be? I just might do that!
It would go something like this:
I am looking for a strong male that is reliable and honest. Experience is not necessary. This is a part time job with opportunity to become full time.
Duties to be Performed:
- Give nice comments every so often. Not every day.
- Make me laugh a lot
- Have serious and intellectual conversations every so often
- Must have own transportation
- Must be honest and reliable
- Good written and verbal communication skills
- Good organization skills
- Must handle money well
- Must love or at least like pets. I run an animal friendly company.
If interested please send your resume to HeartofHeatherblog@yahoo.com.
Eh, I could do more, I'm just bored with it. I wish dating could be as easy as filling out an application or putting out an ad like a job. *sigh* It would save so much embarrassment.
That is all for today. Boring blog right? I am having a bit of a writers block.
