It has been a while since I posted a blog. I wouldn't let myself post a new blog until I did my homework so...I watched T.V. instead...bad student! I missed out on a lot of things because of homework that I just could not bring myself to do. I have just a few more assignments to get done but they don't have to be turned in until Tuesday...so I will wait until Monday night to do it.
On to the blog!
I get lost all the time. Every time I turn around I am getting lost. Lost in thought, lost going down some random road that I decide to take, because the other road is just to busy to bother. I even some times get lost in my room or even at work...not many places to go in either place, I just don't pay attention to what I am doing sometimes. But the biggest reason I get lost is because my mind just races around new worlds that only I know of. I am a writer, not published but a writer none the less. So I am really good at losing myself in worlds that I have read about, seen in movies, and worlds that I have created myself.
What brought all this up? Harry Potter. Oh yes, I went and saw Harry Potter Sunday afternoon. I will say that I was sadly disappointed in the movie, but I really hope that the second part of the final will make up for that, at least in the book that is when all the action took place. Although I was disappointed in the movie I was still sucked into the world of Harry Potter. There is so much magic an so many dark corners that these kids get to lurk around. Sure most of the dark corners only hold danger, but it is better than boring reality...right?
While I was watching the movie I suddenly remembered that I was actually sitting in a theater. I was never there with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. I was never fighting off Death Eaters and hiding from snatchers. No, I was sitting in a lousy theater in the middle of reality. But for a moment, a very long moment, I was in that movie. I was right beside Harry Potter just begging for Voldemort to pop up so I could zap him with my awesome expecto patronum. (The saddest part of that last sentence is I honestly knew how to spell all of it...) For one brief moment I was far away from the boring world that I call reality and I was just as awesome as Harry Potter. I got lost in a world that was never my own and no matter how much I wish it, it will probably never be my world.
It's not just Harry Potter that draws me in and allows me to lose myself into these characters. And it's not just movies either. I can seriously lose myself in a book a lot quicker than a movie. The screen in my head is much bigger, louder and clearer than the ones in the theater. Every character looks like how I would imagine them and they never stray from their true personality because they are the real characters living in my head, not some actor playing the part. When I read Eclipse and Edward left Bella, I collapsed with Bella. I became depressed, so depressed that I actually flipped to the back of the book just to make sure Edward came back! I know that sounds crazy but I was so heart broken that I just could not function. I had become Bella, lost in who she was, lost in her pain and heart break. Oh, and when Jacob came into the story I felt her relief when she was with him, but there was always that edge of longing for Edward that I knew would never go away. I was Bella!
Another book that I read was by the author Kim Harrison and her Hallows series. So far there are eight books in this series and every book I recaptured the main character, Rachel Morgan. I became Rachel, battling demons and vampires. Falling in love with a vampire and living with a vampire that wanted to feed on me. Oh yeah, I felt the emotions like I was actually Rachel Morgan. When her heart was broken, mine broke. Once I even had a bruised ankle at the same time she did. I always read before I go to bed and right before I closed the book and turned out my light Rachel was hurt and had a bruise on her ankle. When I woke up the next morning I had a bruise in the exact same location. Sure, I could have done it some time before without actually knowing, but it was still awesome.
As a writer when I am writing a story I have to tap into my characters. I have to become them, feel their pain, happiness, fear and heart break. I have to be that character and everything that is me must disappear so that I can really write about this character. And some times these characters wake up with out me wanting them to. Many a times I have been angry for no reason or even ecstatic for no reason. And when I get extremely angry I know that every single character is screaming at me, wanting me to write because they are tired of just living in my mind. They want to be shared with the world.
Now, you can think I am crazy and I am cool with that. But, you will see. Once I get that first book published and you read how awesome it is, you will realize what an amazing gift it is to become the characters that you THOUGHT you created. You never create a story, you just write what the characters tell you to write, you write down the story they are telling you. The characters choose you.
And I know that everyone has a moment where they get lost in a book or movie. I know that everyone has the ability to become a character that they are either watching, reading, or creating(listening to). I like to think that I can tap into a character better than other people. Call me arrogant. But I seriously like to think that this is what I am good at. Everyone has that one thing that they are better at then other people. I think this is my spark, this is what I was made to do. To write, to read, to watch, and to become the characters that are being thrown at me. I can understand them better that way. Just try it, try to be a character that you are reading about. Lose yourself completely and let the character take over and see what you really learn about that character.
By all means though, if you are reading about a serial killer, please do not act on that characters wishes! :)
Until we meet again
*Heather*
Crazy People
Today has been a very busy day! First I was up at 8:30 am, on a Saturday! Ate breakfast with my brother and then went to walmart. Now, at walmart I bought some oil for my car and then checked the oil in my car. It was bone dry! I almost messed up my car because I don't check things like my dad has always taught me to do (and my mom). I was afraid to go back home with no oil in the car so I decided to put the oil in while I was in the parking lot. Well, I couldn't get the stupid oil cap off! My mom called me to see where I was, and of course told me to go to the auto place inside Walmart to get them to help me out. I don't like asking people for help like that because men always look down on women if they ask for that kind of help. Okay, maybe it is just me...and my weirdness but the point is I didn't want to ask.
Now, my mom decides she is going to come to Walmart and basically ask for me. But, she didn't have to because this random, kind stranger asked me if I needed help. I told him I was fine and that I just couldn't get my oil cap off. So he came over and got the cap off for me. How nice, right?! I didn't know there were nice people in the world still. Just kidding. When my truck broke down on the highway a while back, it was midnight and I was headed home from work, a really nice guy stopped to make sure I was okay. He even stayed away from the truck while he talked to me, the only time he even touched the truck was when he lifted the hood to see if he could help me out. I think he was just trying to look like he knew what he was doing cause he only looked under the hood for a second and closed it back. But the gesture was nice and he was really respectful and careful not to freak me out.
Anyways, after I finally got oil in my car I came home for like, 15 minutes and me and mom left again to pick up my brother, Moo, from work. We then headed to Fudruckers for lunch, yummy! Me and Moo have been craving a really good burger and that was just the place we needed. After that we got into all the nasty traffic and around the really stupid people. I think that there are some people that should not be allowed to drive!
Mom even took me to Marshalls and Ross to find a sweater jacket cause I messed mine up. It had a loose string and instead of cutting it off, like a sane and smart person, I just kept pulling it hoping it would just stop. I didn't stop and I messed up the sleeve of my jacket...my favorite jacket! I didn't find one today but I will find one, I WILL! Though, I may end up paying more for one than I originally would like to pay for a jacket. But I like my sweater jacket, it completes my look. I have seen a ton of cute ones but none of them have hoods on them. I need one with a hood because my ears are really sensitive to the cold air.
That was my day. After all that we went a few more places, picked up dinner and headed home. Then I took a nap. It was a long day! After my nap I pretty much wasted the day watching T.V. and videos on Youtube...
Crazy people? Yeah, the world is full of them. Stupid, crazy people that should never be allowed out of their house.
Tomorrow is going to be another fun day. I finally get to go see Harry Potter! I can't wait, but I really should because I have so much school work to do. Yeah, another example of how bad of a student I am.
Until we meet again
*Heather*
Now, my mom decides she is going to come to Walmart and basically ask for me. But, she didn't have to because this random, kind stranger asked me if I needed help. I told him I was fine and that I just couldn't get my oil cap off. So he came over and got the cap off for me. How nice, right?! I didn't know there were nice people in the world still. Just kidding. When my truck broke down on the highway a while back, it was midnight and I was headed home from work, a really nice guy stopped to make sure I was okay. He even stayed away from the truck while he talked to me, the only time he even touched the truck was when he lifted the hood to see if he could help me out. I think he was just trying to look like he knew what he was doing cause he only looked under the hood for a second and closed it back. But the gesture was nice and he was really respectful and careful not to freak me out.
Anyways, after I finally got oil in my car I came home for like, 15 minutes and me and mom left again to pick up my brother, Moo, from work. We then headed to Fudruckers for lunch, yummy! Me and Moo have been craving a really good burger and that was just the place we needed. After that we got into all the nasty traffic and around the really stupid people. I think that there are some people that should not be allowed to drive!
Mom even took me to Marshalls and Ross to find a sweater jacket cause I messed mine up. It had a loose string and instead of cutting it off, like a sane and smart person, I just kept pulling it hoping it would just stop. I didn't stop and I messed up the sleeve of my jacket...my favorite jacket! I didn't find one today but I will find one, I WILL! Though, I may end up paying more for one than I originally would like to pay for a jacket. But I like my sweater jacket, it completes my look. I have seen a ton of cute ones but none of them have hoods on them. I need one with a hood because my ears are really sensitive to the cold air.
That was my day. After all that we went a few more places, picked up dinner and headed home. Then I took a nap. It was a long day! After my nap I pretty much wasted the day watching T.V. and videos on Youtube...
Crazy people? Yeah, the world is full of them. Stupid, crazy people that should never be allowed out of their house.
Tomorrow is going to be another fun day. I finally get to go see Harry Potter! I can't wait, but I really should because I have so much school work to do. Yeah, another example of how bad of a student I am.
Until we meet again
*Heather*
A moment to explain
Some days I just feel the need to explain myself. I get a lot of odd looks and comments when I say certain things. Actually I get a lot of odd looks all the time because of things I say. I say a lot of crazy things, but what can I say? I have an over active imagination. But tonight I would like to clear something up about a somewhat serious topic.
First of all, some people don't know about this yet. I have tried to keep it kind of low key because people tend to laugh and when more people know there are more people I disappoint if I don't go through with it.
Enough rambling. I plan to join the military, Air Force to be exact. Military has always been some what of a dream to me. I have been saying I was going to join the Navy since I was 12. Yeah, I wish I could still be that confident 12 year old that knew exactly where her life was going. I was going to join the Navy, go to law school, retire from the navy after 20 years and become the first female president. I had it all figured out. Then the end of high school snuck up on me. I got scared about leaving home and about failing. I have always been afraid of failing.
So, after high school I went to talk to the Navy recruiters and they just sort of broke my spirits. They let me take the ASVAB which I scored really high on. And then they broke the news that I was to fat to join. I was told once that they would send me to bootcamp anyways, but that wasn't true. So I gave up on my dream, went to ECPI and got my associates in Computer Electronics. After that I went to the local college and tried my hand at law, and dropped...then I tried several other things as well. I was never happy, then I ended up at ITT to get my bachelors. I am glad I did it but going back made me realize how much I had forgotten and I am still a little behind.
Then, in my attempt to make myself healthy and to lose weight I realized that I still want to go into the military. Instead of just trying to live a healthy life and become the skinny girl that all the guys would fall in love with (go ahead and laugh) I started working towards getting prepared for the Air Force. And for the first time in a long time I felt like I knew where my life was going again.
And now for the reason as to why I want to join the military. I once told my mom that I did not want to have kids and tell them the story of how I almost joined the military. I want to tell my kids the story of how I came about joining the military. On top of that, I would travel all over the world! What other job allows that? I get to travel and get paid to do so. It is amazing. Then there are the benefits to joining the military. If I stay long enough to retire (which I plan on doing) then I have medical care and an income for the rest of my life. All this is fantastic right?
The main reason I want to join is because being a part of the military means I am a part of something that is bigger than me. I will be a part of something amazing and almost magical. I will be in a position to learn to protect my family, friends, and the country I belong to. Sure, this means that I could possibly go to war one day and risk the chance of getting killed. But is that not worth it? To me it is worth everything I am to step in front of a built for...everyone. There are people I would die for but for the most part I would die for anyone. I can't stand the idea of some child getting shot because there was no one there to protect them. Or a family taken hostage because no one was strong enough to help. I want to be one of the people that helps take down all the demons of the world. I want to be the one in the front line taking down all the evil that tries to seep into the cracks. If I was to die protecting something as amazing as the people that surround me everyday, I will die happy.
Does it sound so lame now? Does it sound like I have lost my mind or that I am doing something stupid? I don't think so. Anything that I can do to make my life worth even the smallest breath I will take it. If I don't do what I think is right or important I am just another wasted soul. I am not here to just live day by day, step by step, or breath by breath. I am here to patch the hole that humanity has created. I am here to prove that there are still some people that have enough heart to take a stand and live for what they believe in. I am here to serve and protect. And that allows me to lay down every night with a smile.
The next time you question someone about why they want to join the military how about asking in a nicer way then the way I have been asked. Sure, there is money involved and the chance to travel. And I don't know what I would do with my life if I don't join the military. I have the need to do something that is not selfish. The need to be a part of something bigger than me. Of course, if I was to fall in love between now and March...who knows, maybe I would have a bigger purpose outside of the military. (yes, that was written for a laugh.)
And with all that out of the way I would like to share my fear as well. As much as all this makes me smile it also makes me want to hide in a dark corner. The closer I get to graduating college the more I feel I have to fear. I am terrified of going into the military, of being away from home. I have a fear of going to places that are unfamiliar and being around people that don't know me. I also have a fear that military is the wrong place for me. What if I am meant to do something else, something even bigger than the military. What if I am supposed to finish my book, get it published, and write more. What if I am supposed to inspire kids everywhere to live a life full of positive thoughts and love for one another. What if I am supposed to be some kind of leader to children growing up in hard lives. So many other things that I could do...and I often fear that the military will change who I am today.
I guess it is all up to me, right?
Until we meet again
*Heather*
First of all, some people don't know about this yet. I have tried to keep it kind of low key because people tend to laugh and when more people know there are more people I disappoint if I don't go through with it.
Enough rambling. I plan to join the military, Air Force to be exact. Military has always been some what of a dream to me. I have been saying I was going to join the Navy since I was 12. Yeah, I wish I could still be that confident 12 year old that knew exactly where her life was going. I was going to join the Navy, go to law school, retire from the navy after 20 years and become the first female president. I had it all figured out. Then the end of high school snuck up on me. I got scared about leaving home and about failing. I have always been afraid of failing.
So, after high school I went to talk to the Navy recruiters and they just sort of broke my spirits. They let me take the ASVAB which I scored really high on. And then they broke the news that I was to fat to join. I was told once that they would send me to bootcamp anyways, but that wasn't true. So I gave up on my dream, went to ECPI and got my associates in Computer Electronics. After that I went to the local college and tried my hand at law, and dropped...then I tried several other things as well. I was never happy, then I ended up at ITT to get my bachelors. I am glad I did it but going back made me realize how much I had forgotten and I am still a little behind.
Then, in my attempt to make myself healthy and to lose weight I realized that I still want to go into the military. Instead of just trying to live a healthy life and become the skinny girl that all the guys would fall in love with (go ahead and laugh) I started working towards getting prepared for the Air Force. And for the first time in a long time I felt like I knew where my life was going again.
And now for the reason as to why I want to join the military. I once told my mom that I did not want to have kids and tell them the story of how I almost joined the military. I want to tell my kids the story of how I came about joining the military. On top of that, I would travel all over the world! What other job allows that? I get to travel and get paid to do so. It is amazing. Then there are the benefits to joining the military. If I stay long enough to retire (which I plan on doing) then I have medical care and an income for the rest of my life. All this is fantastic right?
The main reason I want to join is because being a part of the military means I am a part of something that is bigger than me. I will be a part of something amazing and almost magical. I will be in a position to learn to protect my family, friends, and the country I belong to. Sure, this means that I could possibly go to war one day and risk the chance of getting killed. But is that not worth it? To me it is worth everything I am to step in front of a built for...everyone. There are people I would die for but for the most part I would die for anyone. I can't stand the idea of some child getting shot because there was no one there to protect them. Or a family taken hostage because no one was strong enough to help. I want to be one of the people that helps take down all the demons of the world. I want to be the one in the front line taking down all the evil that tries to seep into the cracks. If I was to die protecting something as amazing as the people that surround me everyday, I will die happy.
Does it sound so lame now? Does it sound like I have lost my mind or that I am doing something stupid? I don't think so. Anything that I can do to make my life worth even the smallest breath I will take it. If I don't do what I think is right or important I am just another wasted soul. I am not here to just live day by day, step by step, or breath by breath. I am here to patch the hole that humanity has created. I am here to prove that there are still some people that have enough heart to take a stand and live for what they believe in. I am here to serve and protect. And that allows me to lay down every night with a smile.
The next time you question someone about why they want to join the military how about asking in a nicer way then the way I have been asked. Sure, there is money involved and the chance to travel. And I don't know what I would do with my life if I don't join the military. I have the need to do something that is not selfish. The need to be a part of something bigger than me. Of course, if I was to fall in love between now and March...who knows, maybe I would have a bigger purpose outside of the military. (yes, that was written for a laugh.)
And with all that out of the way I would like to share my fear as well. As much as all this makes me smile it also makes me want to hide in a dark corner. The closer I get to graduating college the more I feel I have to fear. I am terrified of going into the military, of being away from home. I have a fear of going to places that are unfamiliar and being around people that don't know me. I also have a fear that military is the wrong place for me. What if I am meant to do something else, something even bigger than the military. What if I am supposed to finish my book, get it published, and write more. What if I am supposed to inspire kids everywhere to live a life full of positive thoughts and love for one another. What if I am supposed to be some kind of leader to children growing up in hard lives. So many other things that I could do...and I often fear that the military will change who I am today.
I guess it is all up to me, right?
Until we meet again
*Heather*
That doesn't make it healthy
Today at work a few people brought in "healthy" snacks. One was a Healthy fruit pizza. I said "okay, its got fruit on it, it must be healthy." I cut off a small piece (still counting calories...) and tried it. It was really good so I grab the recipe and stuck it in my pocket. After that I went to the park to get in a little running (even in the rain!) and came home and took a short nap. Well when I woke up I remembered the recipe and decided to take a look. After looking I instantly felt bad for eating a piece. Sure, there were a few things healthy about it, like the fruit. But the rest, it just was not something you would label healthy. The crust of the pizza was actually sugar cookie dough topped with cream cheese and strawberry pie filling. The only thing healthy about it was the fruit.
So I decided that I should send out a public announcement to let everyone know that, just because it has healthy in front of the name, it may not actually be healthy! So many people today are counting calories and watching their food intake and exercising. Many people are avoiding sugar and foods fried in nasty grease. At the grocery store we are buying whole wheat bread and sugar free drinks (just for a little flavor) and don't forget all the fat free foods. But most of us are so busy we don't take the time to actually read labels or learn how to read labels.
Did you know that the whole wheat bread you are buying my not actually be whole wheat? And that fat free foods may not be as good for you as the regular version of the food? And certainly does not taste the same either. But instead of taking the time to read and learn the proper way to choose our foods we just look for key words. Words like: fat free, reduced fat, sugar free, no saturated fat...and so on. But look at the labels, sugar free foods...may not have actual sugar in them but they could have high fructose corn syrup...and that is pretty bad. And to me, regular sugar is better than that fake stuff, unless you have diabetes and that is your only choice. And diet soda's are no better for you than a regular soda. Sure, fewer calories but why not set the soda down and grab a water or a juice?
I find it hard to believe that people still don't know what they are supposed to be eating when there is so much information out there. Of course some of it contradicts itself, but if you take the time and study the information you will find the true information buried in all the lies.
I know that I am not skinny and I don't always eat healthy but I do know what healthy is. I know where to start. I know that every time I stop at McDonalds for a large sweet tea I am doing damage to my body. But I don't sit around thinking about how I need to lose weight then give up the same second because I don't know how to start. My main problem is...lack of motivation.
Maybe that is the problem with everyone today. Sure, there are the few that are happy with their overweight situations and some are only a few pounds overweight and should not be bothered with such petty issues. But what about the ones that sit at home watching T.V. all day knowing how badly they need to lose weight, yet they do nothing about it. And the rest of the world, the skinny, slim, and healthy side of the world shouts. Yelling, telling us "fat people" that we need to lose weight before we die. Is that really the way to motivate someone? I don't think so. Some people like the idea of death.
The world needs to come up with a better way to motivate people into becoming healthier. I don't know what could be done...maybe some kind of reward to help them stay on task. Who know. But maybe if we look at this in a more positive way we won't have issues with other eating disorders either. You know the ones I am talking about. People so stricken with body image issues because the world says they are not perfect. The people that stick their fingers down their throats so they can get rid of the food they just ate. Or the ones that don't eat at all because they can't bare the thought of gaining weight. It is the fault of everyone that we have these problems. We all shout "You're fat!" "You are ugly" "You are too skinny". So many hateful words.
No one is perfect, no matter how much we try to lie to ourselves. I will always look thicker than most girls because of my bone structure. I know girls that will always look smaller than others because they are small and have high metabolisms. And with guys it is the same thing. We are killing each other.
I know I sort of went off topic there...just one ran right into the other and was unavoidable. But, I ask that you think about all this. How many times have you stared at someone that was overweight? How many times have you whispered to your friend how fat someone is? How many times have you whispered to your friend how skinny someone was? And to go even further than that, how many times have you whispered to a friend how ugly you thought someone was? And out of all those, how many times have you said this about someone you do not even know? One more, how many times have you said these things to yourself?
This blog went in a totally different direction then I thought it would, and hopefully it doesn't sound to random.
Until we meet again
*Heather*
So I decided that I should send out a public announcement to let everyone know that, just because it has healthy in front of the name, it may not actually be healthy! So many people today are counting calories and watching their food intake and exercising. Many people are avoiding sugar and foods fried in nasty grease. At the grocery store we are buying whole wheat bread and sugar free drinks (just for a little flavor) and don't forget all the fat free foods. But most of us are so busy we don't take the time to actually read labels or learn how to read labels.
Did you know that the whole wheat bread you are buying my not actually be whole wheat? And that fat free foods may not be as good for you as the regular version of the food? And certainly does not taste the same either. But instead of taking the time to read and learn the proper way to choose our foods we just look for key words. Words like: fat free, reduced fat, sugar free, no saturated fat...and so on. But look at the labels, sugar free foods...may not have actual sugar in them but they could have high fructose corn syrup...and that is pretty bad. And to me, regular sugar is better than that fake stuff, unless you have diabetes and that is your only choice. And diet soda's are no better for you than a regular soda. Sure, fewer calories but why not set the soda down and grab a water or a juice?
I find it hard to believe that people still don't know what they are supposed to be eating when there is so much information out there. Of course some of it contradicts itself, but if you take the time and study the information you will find the true information buried in all the lies.
I know that I am not skinny and I don't always eat healthy but I do know what healthy is. I know where to start. I know that every time I stop at McDonalds for a large sweet tea I am doing damage to my body. But I don't sit around thinking about how I need to lose weight then give up the same second because I don't know how to start. My main problem is...lack of motivation.
Maybe that is the problem with everyone today. Sure, there are the few that are happy with their overweight situations and some are only a few pounds overweight and should not be bothered with such petty issues. But what about the ones that sit at home watching T.V. all day knowing how badly they need to lose weight, yet they do nothing about it. And the rest of the world, the skinny, slim, and healthy side of the world shouts. Yelling, telling us "fat people" that we need to lose weight before we die. Is that really the way to motivate someone? I don't think so. Some people like the idea of death.
The world needs to come up with a better way to motivate people into becoming healthier. I don't know what could be done...maybe some kind of reward to help them stay on task. Who know. But maybe if we look at this in a more positive way we won't have issues with other eating disorders either. You know the ones I am talking about. People so stricken with body image issues because the world says they are not perfect. The people that stick their fingers down their throats so they can get rid of the food they just ate. Or the ones that don't eat at all because they can't bare the thought of gaining weight. It is the fault of everyone that we have these problems. We all shout "You're fat!" "You are ugly" "You are too skinny". So many hateful words.
No one is perfect, no matter how much we try to lie to ourselves. I will always look thicker than most girls because of my bone structure. I know girls that will always look smaller than others because they are small and have high metabolisms. And with guys it is the same thing. We are killing each other.
I know I sort of went off topic there...just one ran right into the other and was unavoidable. But, I ask that you think about all this. How many times have you stared at someone that was overweight? How many times have you whispered to your friend how fat someone is? How many times have you whispered to your friend how skinny someone was? And to go even further than that, how many times have you whispered to a friend how ugly you thought someone was? And out of all those, how many times have you said this about someone you do not even know? One more, how many times have you said these things to yourself?
This blog went in a totally different direction then I thought it would, and hopefully it doesn't sound to random.
Until we meet again
*Heather*
Key Obsession
I didn't really have anything to blog about tonight but I do have a treat! It is the start of a short story I am writing. It is not done right now but it is off to a nice start. It might end up being more than just a short story. You never know about these things. Becoming started off as a short story and is now over 100 pages and 40,000 words and still not finished.
Anyways, this story basically comes from my obsession of keys...I know it is odd but I love keys. Any kind of key buy mainly the old skeleton keys. I was watching on Syfy today and saw a wall of keys and it sparked this story. So, read what little bit I have so far. More should come soon but it might be put on the back burner until I can finish Becoming.
It really is very short right now. But enjoy anyways.
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Anyways, this story basically comes from my obsession of keys...I know it is odd but I love keys. Any kind of key buy mainly the old skeleton keys. I was watching on Syfy today and saw a wall of keys and it sparked this story. So, read what little bit I have so far. More should come soon but it might be put on the back burner until I can finish Becoming.
It really is very short right now. But enjoy anyways.
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Skyla always had an odd fascination with keys. She had a huge collection of all different keys. She had a key from her first car, her parents house, her first apartment, her first diary, and her first lock box. Among those keys she even had a few old skeleton keys that no longer had a purpose. She even had keys that were just jewelry pieces. She couldn’t help herself though, a key just caught her eye and she had no control to stop herself. She had dreams of finding keys, beautiful keys, that would open secret doors to worlds beyond her imagination. Some would say her obsession is borderline insane. But, that never fazes Skyla. She knows with every key she is that much closer to finding what she is looking for.
The only problem is, she has no idea what she is looking for. She knows it has something to do with keys. She often ponders if she is looking for a key that will open a door to a world that is better than this one. Maybe she will finally find that world that has been in her dreams several times. She wanted that to be what she was looking for but she had never been lucky, nothing ever worked out the way she wanted it. Some things worked out alright. Skyla was at least living in her own home and had a great job. She owned an antique shop in the middle of town and it always did really well. She always had it full of the great mysterious stuff that made people gaze in awe. She worked with her brother, Landon, who traveled the world to find these rare treasures. He was good at finding stuff and he was also the only family she had left.
It was another typical day for Skyla. Landon had called her the night before letting her know of the package coming to the store just for her. She begged him to tell her what it was but he refused. “You just have to see when it comes in tomorrow. I sent it express mail so it should be at the store when you open.” He told her. She had trouble sleeping that night. Landon always sent awesome things her way and knowing it was just for her she knew it was going to be amazing.
As she was walking to the store she saw the FedEx truck sitting in front of the store waiting for her. “Thanks Steve.” Skyla said as she signed for her package. Steve was the regular delivery man, so he never had a problem waiting for Skyla to come into work. He also had a crush on Skyla but she just didn’t like him like that. Nothing was wrong with him except he was a player. She knew very well what he wanted and Skyla knew she deserved better. She waved goodbye to Steve as she unlocked the front door and turned the sign around to let people know she was open. It was Wednesday so she knew the day would be slow customer wise. But she had plenty to do in the store. First, she had to open the box, she had to see what Landon and sent her.
I want to celebrate and live my life
Today I have not done much but sit around and watch television. I record all my shows through the week because I don't have much time to watch them with school and all, then I watch everything on Saturday. I usually have a busy week and on the weekends I sort of crash and become unproductive. Sometimes that is alright. Other times I know there is a ton of stuff I have to do. Life really is a never ending story. After you finish one task there is always another one waiting to be done. I really should be happy about this because I like to stay busy, but some days I just want to drop everything and dance.
When I was a teenager all my friends told me I was a good dancer. I was one of those 'shake ya booty all night' type of girls. Yes, please laugh. I love to let loose and have a little fun. Then again who doesn't? I have gotten to the point where I like to spend a little time playing with my hair and putting on dramatic makeup then finding an outfit to fit the look I have created. Once it is all done and over I stand in front of the mirror, smile, and then try to figure out why I try when I have no where to go. Then, sometimes I end up putting on some up beat music and dancing around my room a bit. It's not a club with loud music and fun lights, but in that moment life is perfect. Nothing can come into my little world and destroy the beautiful laughter that fills my thoughts.
I often wonder how many people do this on a regular basis. I know I should have moments like this a lot more often. And I think we all should have these moments. We should all dance around every once in a while. Even if we dance like a bunch of morons. There is that saying that says we should dance like no one is watching...you should try it sometimes. It really is a great stress reviler.
Dance a be merry. Fill your life with laughter. You can only fly if you think happy thoughts.
Until we meet again
Heather
When I was a teenager all my friends told me I was a good dancer. I was one of those 'shake ya booty all night' type of girls. Yes, please laugh. I love to let loose and have a little fun. Then again who doesn't? I have gotten to the point where I like to spend a little time playing with my hair and putting on dramatic makeup then finding an outfit to fit the look I have created. Once it is all done and over I stand in front of the mirror, smile, and then try to figure out why I try when I have no where to go. Then, sometimes I end up putting on some up beat music and dancing around my room a bit. It's not a club with loud music and fun lights, but in that moment life is perfect. Nothing can come into my little world and destroy the beautiful laughter that fills my thoughts.
I often wonder how many people do this on a regular basis. I know I should have moments like this a lot more often. And I think we all should have these moments. We should all dance around every once in a while. Even if we dance like a bunch of morons. There is that saying that says we should dance like no one is watching...you should try it sometimes. It really is a great stress reviler.
Dance a be merry. Fill your life with laughter. You can only fly if you think happy thoughts.
Until we meet again
Heather
Find Something to Smile About.
How much is one person supposed to take? There is so much going on in the world today and people just keep getting pushed around. You have two sides to all this, actually probably more but lets say two for now. One side you have the people trying to live an honest life and getting beat down by reality. The other side is full of people that will cheat, steal and lie to make it through life. They have no morals or consideration for the people around them.
The more I watch the world the more I see that the good people of the world are the ones catching the most crap. I would like to use my family for example. My dad has always been a hard working man. He would work crazy hours and some times I wouldn't even see him much through the week because of his schedule. And because of this my family lived a nice life. We were not rich but we were not poor. We lived comfortably. Then, my dad got hurt at work. Now, he is on disability and can't work because he is always in pain. It often breaks my heart to know that while I can sit comfortably for hours and read a book, my dad is constantly up and down because sitting or standing for too long causes more pain. And just the thought of always being in pain...it's enough to bring tears to my eyes.
Off topic for a moment. I love my dad so much. When he first got hurt they told him he would end up in a wheelchair. My dad didn't let that stop him, he can still walk on his own two feet. There was a time where he was using a cane but he eventually put the cane away. My dad has got to be one of the strongest people I have ever seen in this world. Even though the world tries to beat him down he keeps going. And because of that my dad will always be my hero. Sadly, I don't tell him that because...I am not the one to speak my feelings out loud. My dad has lived a long hard life and I don't see him stopping for a very, very long time.
Back on topic now. After my dad got hurt things went down hill for my family. We lost our home, vehicles, and a ton of stuff that we had to sell just for a little bit of food. We were homeless for a little bit but my Aunt took us in, I mentioned her in my last blog I believe. Soon we were climbing back on to our feet, fighting with the disability office, even though my dad would have loved to go back to work, he just wasn't able. It was a long struggle to get my dad on disability. He eventually got that and we had a home again and vehicles but, things were still a struggle. At the end of my 11th grade year we lost another home. We were homeless again. But this time we had an awesome van that was paid for and a big box truck. Not much, but it was all we had to call home. That summer, the summer before my Senior year in high school we lived in a tent for three months. Thankfully it was summer and the water was awesome! It was almost like a vacation until the end of the day when I would lay awake at night crashing back to reality. Reality always has a way of catching back up to you.
Of course we eventually got some kind of settlement, not sure what it was for, and we got the home we have been living in for the past 6 years. You would think that things would be easy now that we have a home and three vehicles that are paid for. I will tell you that it is still hard and some days I want to hide from the world until it all just disappears. Right now we are living off my dad's disability, my moms inheritance check and the little bit of money I make. We struggle and sometimes the stress gets to us all. My parents have this dream of hitting the lottery. Though, you never know, it could happen. The lesson that my family has learned from all this though, there is ALWAYS something to smile about. And as long as you have a strong family you can make it through anything. My brother and my mom both, I would consider two of my best friends. My dad...is my dad, my hero, and my inspiration. Of course so is my mom. I find it amazing that my parents have stayed together through all the hell we have been through and that alone gives me hope for my own future.
Back to the other side of the world. The part that lies, cheats, and steals to get by. I know a few people that are on disability like my dad. They claim to be hurt yet they work under the table. They take money from the government, money that is not rightfully theirs to take. And when they get caught more laws are thrown into the mix making it harder for those who are really unable to work to get help in the world. And then you have the people that are addicted to drugs that are disabled because they are addicted...how is that even reasonable? It is something they did to themselves while there are a ton of injured people who became injured through an unfortunate accident. I could probably go on for ages about this but I will be nice to tonight and not go there.
What I don't understand is how these people can sleep at night knowing that their greedy actions is taking food out of the mouths of children living with parents who are trying so hard to get a handle on the world. It just makes no sense to me how the good people are the ones who seem to be sitting at the bottom. Of course I could be a little biased as I consider one of the good people sitting on the bottom. I often wonder if I would see things differently if my dad had never been hurt and we were still living a safe, comfortable life. I wonder if I would have been one of those spoiled kids that would not be caught dead shopping in Goodwill. But it is no use thinking that because I can do nothing to change what has happened. It happened and it made me a better person and it has opened my eyes wide to see the real world.
Of course, for those that believe in heaven and hell, you say that these people getting through life in such an awful way will be punished once their spirits have moved on from this world. I believe that myself. But what about the people that don't believe in that, they deserve justice too don't they?
I am possibly just rambling because I am in a bad mood. Then again I could actually have a point here. Think about it. Not every person that has money got it from doing bad things and throwing people under the bus so they don't get hurt. And not every person that is poor and having a hard time in life is a good person. I understand that. I know that some homeless people brought it on themselves and some rich people worked really hard for what they have. And there is always a middle ground. Not rich, comfortable, but could easily become poor should the right situation occur.
And one more thing. This bad economy crap we are going through right now...yeah, my family was in this situation before everyone else felt the blow. Don't come crying to me about how horrible it is and how depressed you are over it. Why? Because, been there, done that...and still there. I know what it's like and I still find a smile in my bag of magic.
Through this blog I have found peace of mind. It started off because I was just in a bad mood and feeling sorry for myself. But, as I was writing I realized that I am happy for all the crap I have been through. Sure, I would like to see an end to scraping the bottom of the piggy bank, and I am sure that will come in time, but for now, I am seeing the world in a new light. For now, I am learning lessons that take some people a life time to learn.
And now, I should go to bed before this blog gets any longer.
Just so you know, I titled this blog after I wrote it. The new title sounds better than the original. It sounds more hopeful.
I hope that you all find hope and peace in this time of hardship. And the world will not end in 2012 so if you were putting off all the bills until then...you should probably start paying them.
Until we meet again
Heather.
The more I watch the world the more I see that the good people of the world are the ones catching the most crap. I would like to use my family for example. My dad has always been a hard working man. He would work crazy hours and some times I wouldn't even see him much through the week because of his schedule. And because of this my family lived a nice life. We were not rich but we were not poor. We lived comfortably. Then, my dad got hurt at work. Now, he is on disability and can't work because he is always in pain. It often breaks my heart to know that while I can sit comfortably for hours and read a book, my dad is constantly up and down because sitting or standing for too long causes more pain. And just the thought of always being in pain...it's enough to bring tears to my eyes.
Off topic for a moment. I love my dad so much. When he first got hurt they told him he would end up in a wheelchair. My dad didn't let that stop him, he can still walk on his own two feet. There was a time where he was using a cane but he eventually put the cane away. My dad has got to be one of the strongest people I have ever seen in this world. Even though the world tries to beat him down he keeps going. And because of that my dad will always be my hero. Sadly, I don't tell him that because...I am not the one to speak my feelings out loud. My dad has lived a long hard life and I don't see him stopping for a very, very long time.
Back on topic now. After my dad got hurt things went down hill for my family. We lost our home, vehicles, and a ton of stuff that we had to sell just for a little bit of food. We were homeless for a little bit but my Aunt took us in, I mentioned her in my last blog I believe. Soon we were climbing back on to our feet, fighting with the disability office, even though my dad would have loved to go back to work, he just wasn't able. It was a long struggle to get my dad on disability. He eventually got that and we had a home again and vehicles but, things were still a struggle. At the end of my 11th grade year we lost another home. We were homeless again. But this time we had an awesome van that was paid for and a big box truck. Not much, but it was all we had to call home. That summer, the summer before my Senior year in high school we lived in a tent for three months. Thankfully it was summer and the water was awesome! It was almost like a vacation until the end of the day when I would lay awake at night crashing back to reality. Reality always has a way of catching back up to you.
Of course we eventually got some kind of settlement, not sure what it was for, and we got the home we have been living in for the past 6 years. You would think that things would be easy now that we have a home and three vehicles that are paid for. I will tell you that it is still hard and some days I want to hide from the world until it all just disappears. Right now we are living off my dad's disability, my moms inheritance check and the little bit of money I make. We struggle and sometimes the stress gets to us all. My parents have this dream of hitting the lottery. Though, you never know, it could happen. The lesson that my family has learned from all this though, there is ALWAYS something to smile about. And as long as you have a strong family you can make it through anything. My brother and my mom both, I would consider two of my best friends. My dad...is my dad, my hero, and my inspiration. Of course so is my mom. I find it amazing that my parents have stayed together through all the hell we have been through and that alone gives me hope for my own future.
Back to the other side of the world. The part that lies, cheats, and steals to get by. I know a few people that are on disability like my dad. They claim to be hurt yet they work under the table. They take money from the government, money that is not rightfully theirs to take. And when they get caught more laws are thrown into the mix making it harder for those who are really unable to work to get help in the world. And then you have the people that are addicted to drugs that are disabled because they are addicted...how is that even reasonable? It is something they did to themselves while there are a ton of injured people who became injured through an unfortunate accident. I could probably go on for ages about this but I will be nice to tonight and not go there.
What I don't understand is how these people can sleep at night knowing that their greedy actions is taking food out of the mouths of children living with parents who are trying so hard to get a handle on the world. It just makes no sense to me how the good people are the ones who seem to be sitting at the bottom. Of course I could be a little biased as I consider one of the good people sitting on the bottom. I often wonder if I would see things differently if my dad had never been hurt and we were still living a safe, comfortable life. I wonder if I would have been one of those spoiled kids that would not be caught dead shopping in Goodwill. But it is no use thinking that because I can do nothing to change what has happened. It happened and it made me a better person and it has opened my eyes wide to see the real world.
Of course, for those that believe in heaven and hell, you say that these people getting through life in such an awful way will be punished once their spirits have moved on from this world. I believe that myself. But what about the people that don't believe in that, they deserve justice too don't they?
I am possibly just rambling because I am in a bad mood. Then again I could actually have a point here. Think about it. Not every person that has money got it from doing bad things and throwing people under the bus so they don't get hurt. And not every person that is poor and having a hard time in life is a good person. I understand that. I know that some homeless people brought it on themselves and some rich people worked really hard for what they have. And there is always a middle ground. Not rich, comfortable, but could easily become poor should the right situation occur.
And one more thing. This bad economy crap we are going through right now...yeah, my family was in this situation before everyone else felt the blow. Don't come crying to me about how horrible it is and how depressed you are over it. Why? Because, been there, done that...and still there. I know what it's like and I still find a smile in my bag of magic.
Through this blog I have found peace of mind. It started off because I was just in a bad mood and feeling sorry for myself. But, as I was writing I realized that I am happy for all the crap I have been through. Sure, I would like to see an end to scraping the bottom of the piggy bank, and I am sure that will come in time, but for now, I am seeing the world in a new light. For now, I am learning lessons that take some people a life time to learn.
And now, I should go to bed before this blog gets any longer.
Just so you know, I titled this blog after I wrote it. The new title sounds better than the original. It sounds more hopeful.
I hope that you all find hope and peace in this time of hardship. And the world will not end in 2012 so if you were putting off all the bills until then...you should probably start paying them.
Until we meet again
Heather.
Just a Crummy Day
You ever have one of those days where you just want to hide under the covers all day? You know, the days where nothing seems worth getting out of bed and opening your bedroom door. You sit and wonder what could possibly be the cause of this issue and then your mind is racing trying to figure out the root of the problem. Although I have been trying to figure it out all day I still have no good explanation for the way I feel.
Sure there are a lot of things in life that I would like to wish away. Like pile of mail waiting for me to open...its all medical bills so I don't want to open it. It's almost like I think it will just go away if I ignore it long enough. Great way to think right? Then there is the fact that I am a little behind with my school work...although not as much now because I actually did some homework this morning. (Go me!). I am still about two weeks behind. Of course if I actually went to class like I am supposed to I might not be so far behind...I told you I was a bad student. And then there is the ever lingering gloom that comes with a single life. It is always this time of year that being single really sucks. Just think about it.
Thanksgiving is for family. Yay family and getting together and stuffing our faces. And then along comes Christmas with all its fun loving movies and happy thoughts and feelings. But under it all something else lies. Beneath all the wonderfulness that is Christmas, family fun, and seeing people you have not seen in ages, Christmas brings a different feeling. People get all romantic, spending time with their "true loves", proposing and giving special gifts. And no matter what there is always those Christmas specials where that is a single person and all they want for Christmas is a special someone to spend the holidays with. Don't deny it, you know its true. Christmas is sometimes worse that Valentines day for a single girl. Sure, it hasn't always bothered me so bad, but things always change. Broken hearts left in pieces only turn into fine dust that can not be repaired. And did you know that it is possible for someone to break your heart without them even knowing? Well, it is very much so possible.
Enough about the single life being so horrible. It does have it's advantages. Like, not having to worry about answering text messages asking where I am and what I am doing. Or having to worry about if he is cheating on me or fear he will eventually dump me and break my heart. And the fact that I can flirt with who ever I feel like...even though I doubt I even know how to flirt. I am a sad sad story!
And now enough about all of that. That is not what this blog was supposed to be about. Or was it? Who am I kidding, I didn't even have a set topic really.
Back to feeling like there is no reason to wake up. I think my main problem is that I am afraid to grab life by the balls and squeeze until I make it scream in pain. I am too afraid that my next move could ruin everything I am working for. I am stuck in decision mode...kind of like build mode in Sims, until you hit play nothing moves forward. I am just stuck in one place. I am stuck in the same spot I was in when I graduated high school. Still living at home with my parents, still struggling to make the small bills I have collected. Sure, life like this is simple but what have I accomplished? What have I proven? I did notice today that I can finally take care of my own animals...I bet I could have a fish now and it wouldn't die because I forgot to feed it! Laugh if you must but, hey, it is a slight improvement.
I could go on and on about things in my life that I need to fix but honestly my biggest problem is reality. I hate reality, seriously hate reality. But that could possibly be because I spend so much time in my little fantasy worlds. You know, the worlds where vampires save me from my boring life and I go off making pacts with werewolves and Witches. And of course I get the fairies to braid and curl my hair because they are the best at doing so. And don't forget about the dragons and unicorns. Though I much prefer to ride a dragon high into the sky almost touching the heavens, sometimes it is fun to race through the purple forest on the back of a white unicorn. I could dream all day, making up worlds that no one would have ever thought of, of worlds that gleam with happiness and joy. Worlds that are nothing like this world with its violent wars and angry men and women looking for revenge.
And on that note I should say goodnight before my imagination runs to wild and I can not find my way back. Although, I have often wondered how bad it would be to find myself in a mental institution with nothing to do but hide in my fantasy world. I wonder if I could really lose myself completely and go mad. Who knows...don't worry I won't actually try...if it happens in happens.
Until we meet again
Heather
Sure there are a lot of things in life that I would like to wish away. Like pile of mail waiting for me to open...its all medical bills so I don't want to open it. It's almost like I think it will just go away if I ignore it long enough. Great way to think right? Then there is the fact that I am a little behind with my school work...although not as much now because I actually did some homework this morning. (Go me!). I am still about two weeks behind. Of course if I actually went to class like I am supposed to I might not be so far behind...I told you I was a bad student. And then there is the ever lingering gloom that comes with a single life. It is always this time of year that being single really sucks. Just think about it.
Thanksgiving is for family. Yay family and getting together and stuffing our faces. And then along comes Christmas with all its fun loving movies and happy thoughts and feelings. But under it all something else lies. Beneath all the wonderfulness that is Christmas, family fun, and seeing people you have not seen in ages, Christmas brings a different feeling. People get all romantic, spending time with their "true loves", proposing and giving special gifts. And no matter what there is always those Christmas specials where that is a single person and all they want for Christmas is a special someone to spend the holidays with. Don't deny it, you know its true. Christmas is sometimes worse that Valentines day for a single girl. Sure, it hasn't always bothered me so bad, but things always change. Broken hearts left in pieces only turn into fine dust that can not be repaired. And did you know that it is possible for someone to break your heart without them even knowing? Well, it is very much so possible.
Enough about the single life being so horrible. It does have it's advantages. Like, not having to worry about answering text messages asking where I am and what I am doing. Or having to worry about if he is cheating on me or fear he will eventually dump me and break my heart. And the fact that I can flirt with who ever I feel like...even though I doubt I even know how to flirt. I am a sad sad story!
And now enough about all of that. That is not what this blog was supposed to be about. Or was it? Who am I kidding, I didn't even have a set topic really.
Back to feeling like there is no reason to wake up. I think my main problem is that I am afraid to grab life by the balls and squeeze until I make it scream in pain. I am too afraid that my next move could ruin everything I am working for. I am stuck in decision mode...kind of like build mode in Sims, until you hit play nothing moves forward. I am just stuck in one place. I am stuck in the same spot I was in when I graduated high school. Still living at home with my parents, still struggling to make the small bills I have collected. Sure, life like this is simple but what have I accomplished? What have I proven? I did notice today that I can finally take care of my own animals...I bet I could have a fish now and it wouldn't die because I forgot to feed it! Laugh if you must but, hey, it is a slight improvement.
I could go on and on about things in my life that I need to fix but honestly my biggest problem is reality. I hate reality, seriously hate reality. But that could possibly be because I spend so much time in my little fantasy worlds. You know, the worlds where vampires save me from my boring life and I go off making pacts with werewolves and Witches. And of course I get the fairies to braid and curl my hair because they are the best at doing so. And don't forget about the dragons and unicorns. Though I much prefer to ride a dragon high into the sky almost touching the heavens, sometimes it is fun to race through the purple forest on the back of a white unicorn. I could dream all day, making up worlds that no one would have ever thought of, of worlds that gleam with happiness and joy. Worlds that are nothing like this world with its violent wars and angry men and women looking for revenge.
And on that note I should say goodnight before my imagination runs to wild and I can not find my way back. Although, I have often wondered how bad it would be to find myself in a mental institution with nothing to do but hide in my fantasy world. I wonder if I could really lose myself completely and go mad. Who knows...don't worry I won't actually try...if it happens in happens.
Until we meet again
Heather
Don't look at me like that
I am 25 and never had an alcoholic drink in my life. Well...actually I had a sip of a wine cooler before I was old enough to drink, but that was it. The day I turned 21 I was asked several times, "What drink are you going to try first?" My answer, "None, thank you." And of course I got weird looks, like I was some kind of crazy person. Well people, I am here today to tell you that I am NOT crazy.
Okay so maybe that was a lie, I am crazy but not because I don't like alcohol. I am crazy for other reasons but I have a really good reason why I don't like alcoholic beverages. First off, every time I think of beer I imagine drinking warm pee. Why? Possibly because it looks like pee...and I don't know what pee taste like but I really prefer not to find out. And I have smelled alcohol before and it doesn't smell very good. Now, I am the kind of person that pretty much loves anything sweet. So a sweet alcoholic drink might actually tempt me, but I like the fact that I have never tried alcohol before. I like that I can be a role model to other young people being pressured into doing something they don't want to do.
Aside from the look and smell I really despise what alcohol does to people. People act like morons when they drink. Sure, there are a few that drink socially and stop at one or two, but face it, most people drink to have a good time and often "forget" how many drinks they have had. Most of them drink to get drunk. I have seen first hand what it does to people. I lived with my aunt for a month once and she had a drinking problem. Not many people in my family bring this up but I will never forget what I learned from her drinking. Or her, to be honest.
Before I go on about my aunts problem I will say that she was a wonderful woman. A strong woman that didn't let life get her down. She was one of the best cooks I knew and she always made me laugh. Although, she also made me blush because she always brought up things I didn't want to talk about...like sex. Dirty jokes...always dirty jokes. If she was alive today me and her would have a fun time cause my dirty dirty mind would play along with her jokes.
Moving on. The short time that I lived with her I witnessed one moment that will stay with me forever. Of course I knew she had a drinking problem. I had heard anyways, and somewhat seen. But it was never as bad as this one day. We were all sitting in the living room watching T.V. and my aunt was sitting, or rather laying, on the couch. She was already drunk and it was quite early if I remember correctly. She had a bowl of soup trying to eat it. She got more on herself then in her mouth. Watching her eat was like watching a child that had just learned how to use a spoon. And she had no idea what she was doing. It was scary, to me, to see this woman I loved so much acting like such a helpless child. In all honesty, she kind of reminded me of a homeless person who was so weak and sick that they couldn't even comprehend the reality around them.
Maybe it wasn't as bad as I remember it but that one moment in my life has scarred me. Every time I see someone lift a drink to their lips I die a little inside. I fear that they will show me a scene far worse that what I have already witnessed. I have been around other drunk people before and every time I find myself wanting to run. I can't help the way I feel around people drinking. It sucks too because most people my age are out drinking on the weekends.
I think alcohol makes you act like an idiot. Sure, once you are a little tipsy you can dance without worrying what others are thinking and you may forget all your problems. But the reality of it all is tomorrow, when the buzz wears off, your problems are still there and most of the time you don't remember all the fun you had dancing the night before. There are other ways to feel comfortable with having a little fun in public. Like, not caring what others think. Why should you care? Chances are, the ones who make fun of you having fun, are the same exact people that you will never see again. Or even the exact person who will go home and drowned their sorrows in alcohol because they are so uncomfortable with themselves.
I am not saying that everyone should stop drinking. Some people actually like the taste...eww. And for some it is fun to sit at the bar and have a few drinks with friends. But it is seriously necessary to get drunk?
I know I don't need to be drunk to dance on tables or act like a teenager having a little fun. I don't care if I look like an idiot out on the dance floor because I am having fun. And the best part is, I will remember it in the morning. I will always remember the fun times I have because I have fun with out alcohol.
I ask that you all stop looking at me weird when I say no thank you to a beer. Or when I decide not to hang out with people because I know there will be alcohol involved. Call me an innocent and sheltered woman but I am what I am and I am happy about that. I am happy that I have not poisoned my body with chemicals that can eventually shut down my kidney. And I am glad, once again, that I can be a suitable role model for young teens everywhere.
Before I go on another rampage about something else I shall say goodnight and end this blog
Until we meet again
Heather
Okay so maybe that was a lie, I am crazy but not because I don't like alcohol. I am crazy for other reasons but I have a really good reason why I don't like alcoholic beverages. First off, every time I think of beer I imagine drinking warm pee. Why? Possibly because it looks like pee...and I don't know what pee taste like but I really prefer not to find out. And I have smelled alcohol before and it doesn't smell very good. Now, I am the kind of person that pretty much loves anything sweet. So a sweet alcoholic drink might actually tempt me, but I like the fact that I have never tried alcohol before. I like that I can be a role model to other young people being pressured into doing something they don't want to do.
Aside from the look and smell I really despise what alcohol does to people. People act like morons when they drink. Sure, there are a few that drink socially and stop at one or two, but face it, most people drink to have a good time and often "forget" how many drinks they have had. Most of them drink to get drunk. I have seen first hand what it does to people. I lived with my aunt for a month once and she had a drinking problem. Not many people in my family bring this up but I will never forget what I learned from her drinking. Or her, to be honest.
Before I go on about my aunts problem I will say that she was a wonderful woman. A strong woman that didn't let life get her down. She was one of the best cooks I knew and she always made me laugh. Although, she also made me blush because she always brought up things I didn't want to talk about...like sex. Dirty jokes...always dirty jokes. If she was alive today me and her would have a fun time cause my dirty dirty mind would play along with her jokes.
Moving on. The short time that I lived with her I witnessed one moment that will stay with me forever. Of course I knew she had a drinking problem. I had heard anyways, and somewhat seen. But it was never as bad as this one day. We were all sitting in the living room watching T.V. and my aunt was sitting, or rather laying, on the couch. She was already drunk and it was quite early if I remember correctly. She had a bowl of soup trying to eat it. She got more on herself then in her mouth. Watching her eat was like watching a child that had just learned how to use a spoon. And she had no idea what she was doing. It was scary, to me, to see this woman I loved so much acting like such a helpless child. In all honesty, she kind of reminded me of a homeless person who was so weak and sick that they couldn't even comprehend the reality around them.
Maybe it wasn't as bad as I remember it but that one moment in my life has scarred me. Every time I see someone lift a drink to their lips I die a little inside. I fear that they will show me a scene far worse that what I have already witnessed. I have been around other drunk people before and every time I find myself wanting to run. I can't help the way I feel around people drinking. It sucks too because most people my age are out drinking on the weekends.
I think alcohol makes you act like an idiot. Sure, once you are a little tipsy you can dance without worrying what others are thinking and you may forget all your problems. But the reality of it all is tomorrow, when the buzz wears off, your problems are still there and most of the time you don't remember all the fun you had dancing the night before. There are other ways to feel comfortable with having a little fun in public. Like, not caring what others think. Why should you care? Chances are, the ones who make fun of you having fun, are the same exact people that you will never see again. Or even the exact person who will go home and drowned their sorrows in alcohol because they are so uncomfortable with themselves.
I am not saying that everyone should stop drinking. Some people actually like the taste...eww. And for some it is fun to sit at the bar and have a few drinks with friends. But it is seriously necessary to get drunk?
I know I don't need to be drunk to dance on tables or act like a teenager having a little fun. I don't care if I look like an idiot out on the dance floor because I am having fun. And the best part is, I will remember it in the morning. I will always remember the fun times I have because I have fun with out alcohol.
I ask that you all stop looking at me weird when I say no thank you to a beer. Or when I decide not to hang out with people because I know there will be alcohol involved. Call me an innocent and sheltered woman but I am what I am and I am happy about that. I am happy that I have not poisoned my body with chemicals that can eventually shut down my kidney. And I am glad, once again, that I can be a suitable role model for young teens everywhere.
Before I go on another rampage about something else I shall say goodnight and end this blog
Until we meet again
Heather
I am Awesome. And so are you!
I goal is to blog every day about something, anything that I find interesting or dare to rant about. Today, I was going to blog about recycling and excessive packaging or how much I love curling my hair. So that last one was a bit shallow, but we all have are flaws right?
While I was waiting for my brother to get out of class I started reading a blog by a blogger that I have become obsessed with (since yesterday!) Some of you may have heard of him, Single Dad Laughing. This guy writes some of the most amazing blogs! They are funny yet serious all at the same time. They are just right out interesting. So as I was reading his new blog I clicked a link and found a post by him that really caught my eye, it has got to be one of the longest blogs that I actually read the whole way through! His post is labeled "Worthless women and the men who make them".
This blog is about how women are always putting themselves down and how it is the fault of men. SDL claims that it is the fault of men because men are the ones that expect a woman to have a perfect body and because they stare at magazines with beautiful fake women on them. (Read the blog, its awesome and I am sure I dumbed it down...sorry about that)
After reading this blog I was all for blaming men for my insecurities. But I just can not let that be. I see where SDL is coming from and I can totally see his point of view but I can't help but to think how women cause this on each other as much as a man can cause it. Seriously, think about it. Women, when you are in the store and you see another woman walk by who's hair is a little messy, do you not think, "I can't believe she left the house like that." Are we not to blame as well for these insecurities. We cause each other grief in our daily lives. Because that one chick told me I was fat I want to lose weight. Sure if a guy was to tell me I was fat it would make me want to loss weight too. And when I see a woman with beautiful flowing, shiny hair, I want to go home and wash my hair...even if I just washed it that morning.
So all in all, are we not to blame for our insecurities as well? Even if men stopped tripping over a woman with perfect breast and tight abs, I would still compare myself to that woman. I would still see flaws in myself and want to fix that. Which is also covered in SDL's blog. He states that woman should accept themselves, but just stopping men from drooling over fake woman is not going to change my mind set.
And this is where I really start to think. This is where I really start to question my thoughts. Who's fault is it really that I do not like the way I look? It is my own, and no one else. Can I really justify my depressing moments on some guy that wouldn't look at me because he was too busy looking at the woman with the perky boobs? No, I can't. It is all on me. How I feel about me, comes from no one but myself. After all, I am a Leo and a Leo is not easily persuaded from their opinions.
So today I decided to lift up my chin, walk tall and strong, and smile no matter what! Why? Because I am awesome. I am truly happy with my body...that is if I wasn't joining the Air Force. Even though my teeth are not perfect, when I smile I look like I have fangs and that is flippin fantastic. My eyes are blue but one eye has a very large brown spot that seems to keep growing every year and that makes me unique. I have a childish sounding voice but that is what helps me sound innocent, even in the rare moments when I am not. And I don't look like I am 25, but that is what assures me that when I am 75 I will look 55. And I may have a funny laugh that makes people laugh more, in turn causing me to laugh even harder, but I like to laugh and you can't stop me.
I have decided to turn a new leaf (is that the saying?) and I will be happy with who I am. I may restrict my diet and exercise but that is not my attempt to become super skinny like the photoshoped models on magazines, that is so once college is done and over I can join the military. And I may go to bed early and get up early even though my very soul screams for me to stay up late and sleep all day, but once again, that is to prepare myself for my life to come.
And before I end this blog I would like to list 10 things that I love about myself.
1. My Imagination. It runs wild sometimes but it keeps me...sane?
2. My awesome sense of style!
3. My love for vampires and anything supernatural or mysterious.
4. My love for my family and friends because they make living worthwhile.
5. My ability to laugh through almost anything. Even when I know I should cry.
6. My moments of OCD. Like how I can't turn off the car until it is parked straight and how I can't park on the right side.
7. My love for animals, even though it gets a little obsessive sometimes.
8. How scatter brained I can be...most of the time
9. My love and hope for humanity. One day we are going to surprise us all.
10. My optimism in the darkest of situations.
Your turn, name 10 things you love about yourself. I know you can come up with 10. DO IT!
Until we meet again
Heather
While I was waiting for my brother to get out of class I started reading a blog by a blogger that I have become obsessed with (since yesterday!) Some of you may have heard of him, Single Dad Laughing. This guy writes some of the most amazing blogs! They are funny yet serious all at the same time. They are just right out interesting. So as I was reading his new blog I clicked a link and found a post by him that really caught my eye, it has got to be one of the longest blogs that I actually read the whole way through! His post is labeled "Worthless women and the men who make them".
This blog is about how women are always putting themselves down and how it is the fault of men. SDL claims that it is the fault of men because men are the ones that expect a woman to have a perfect body and because they stare at magazines with beautiful fake women on them. (Read the blog, its awesome and I am sure I dumbed it down...sorry about that)
After reading this blog I was all for blaming men for my insecurities. But I just can not let that be. I see where SDL is coming from and I can totally see his point of view but I can't help but to think how women cause this on each other as much as a man can cause it. Seriously, think about it. Women, when you are in the store and you see another woman walk by who's hair is a little messy, do you not think, "I can't believe she left the house like that." Are we not to blame as well for these insecurities. We cause each other grief in our daily lives. Because that one chick told me I was fat I want to lose weight. Sure if a guy was to tell me I was fat it would make me want to loss weight too. And when I see a woman with beautiful flowing, shiny hair, I want to go home and wash my hair...even if I just washed it that morning.
So all in all, are we not to blame for our insecurities as well? Even if men stopped tripping over a woman with perfect breast and tight abs, I would still compare myself to that woman. I would still see flaws in myself and want to fix that. Which is also covered in SDL's blog. He states that woman should accept themselves, but just stopping men from drooling over fake woman is not going to change my mind set.
And this is where I really start to think. This is where I really start to question my thoughts. Who's fault is it really that I do not like the way I look? It is my own, and no one else. Can I really justify my depressing moments on some guy that wouldn't look at me because he was too busy looking at the woman with the perky boobs? No, I can't. It is all on me. How I feel about me, comes from no one but myself. After all, I am a Leo and a Leo is not easily persuaded from their opinions.
So today I decided to lift up my chin, walk tall and strong, and smile no matter what! Why? Because I am awesome. I am truly happy with my body...that is if I wasn't joining the Air Force. Even though my teeth are not perfect, when I smile I look like I have fangs and that is flippin fantastic. My eyes are blue but one eye has a very large brown spot that seems to keep growing every year and that makes me unique. I have a childish sounding voice but that is what helps me sound innocent, even in the rare moments when I am not. And I don't look like I am 25, but that is what assures me that when I am 75 I will look 55. And I may have a funny laugh that makes people laugh more, in turn causing me to laugh even harder, but I like to laugh and you can't stop me.
I have decided to turn a new leaf (is that the saying?) and I will be happy with who I am. I may restrict my diet and exercise but that is not my attempt to become super skinny like the photoshoped models on magazines, that is so once college is done and over I can join the military. And I may go to bed early and get up early even though my very soul screams for me to stay up late and sleep all day, but once again, that is to prepare myself for my life to come.
And before I end this blog I would like to list 10 things that I love about myself.
1. My Imagination. It runs wild sometimes but it keeps me...sane?
2. My awesome sense of style!
3. My love for vampires and anything supernatural or mysterious.
4. My love for my family and friends because they make living worthwhile.
5. My ability to laugh through almost anything. Even when I know I should cry.
6. My moments of OCD. Like how I can't turn off the car until it is parked straight and how I can't park on the right side.
7. My love for animals, even though it gets a little obsessive sometimes.
8. How scatter brained I can be...most of the time
9. My love and hope for humanity. One day we are going to surprise us all.
10. My optimism in the darkest of situations.
Your turn, name 10 things you love about yourself. I know you can come up with 10. DO IT!
Until we meet again
Heather
Why save when you can play?
I am a horrible student. I do my homework and all my class work, but most of the time its all late. While sitting in class I often day dream instead of actually paying attention. I admit, this has caused problems with me a few times but I always bounce back, I may be a bad student but I am smart. So tonight's class was Economics. I hate Thursdays just because it means Economics at 6 p.m. My argument is, Why do I need this class when I am already broke!? Why do I need to learn to manage money or learn where money goes when I have no money to even worry about. Once I get paid my money is gone. My pay check is even gone before I get it. I know this is my own fault. If only I had listened to my parents when they said "Heather, credit cards are bad." My come back was "But, mom I need something to give myself good credit!"
Guess what? I got credit, though it may not be perfect it is not horrible either. And it will only get better with time assuming I keep up with the payments. Every time I get a bill I think, "Man, if I had just saved my money I would have that computer with out making payments and paying twice the amount of the computer." By time I pay off all my credit cards and loans my computer will be obsolete and I will need a new one. Do you think I have learned after the first time around? No...once I get the bills paid down and notice my computer runs slow or my make up has run dry or my phone is so out of date...I will go borrow more money or run up that credit card one more time. All the while thinking "It will be different this time. I will make bigger payments and pay it off quicker." What can I say? I am the kind of person that HATES to wait for anything so saving money has never been my strong suit.
So maybe this year when the end of December rolls around and we watch the ball drop, ending the old and starting the new, I will make a resolution to save more money. Only I have run up my bills so much it is going to take a year or two just to pay everything off so I actually have money to save. It is a crazy cycle and I am stuck. Forever stuck in the horrible, terrible life that is debt. Or maybe I could actually wise up and start saving that last five dollars that I have nothing planned for. I might even stop buying pointless things that I know I will never use...like that membership to the gym. I could also stop making myself believe I need something when in fact I do not...like a new lamp that I have no room for. And I could go even further, grow smarter, and start selling stuff that I have in my room that I know I will never use or have a place for. Instead I just ship it off to goodwill because I am tired of looking at it, stepping over it, or trying to make it fit into my closet. Selling that stuff would probably be much better.
So the lesson of the day is: Heather is not good about thinking ahead. But why should I try to think ahead. Everyone keeps saying "Carpe` Diem" How can I seize the day if I am always worried about saving money? Why shouldn't I use my last five dollars to buy some funky make up that will probably suck and end up in the trash next year when I clean out my make up case? Why can't I just live a little, even if living a little leaves me broke?
I say LIVE A LOT! Stop being so worried about saving money and investing in the right stocks. Okay...so maybe you should save a little to buy a home and a car but after that...just LIVE! I don't have my own place, I live with my parents...but I do have my own car! And until my parents kick me out I think I will save worrying about saving money for when I get my career going.
Today I am living a little, staying up past my bed time. I work early tomorrow and I am losing sleep with every word I continue to type. So, I call this day an end and say goodnight.
I leave you with a question. What is your guilty pleasure? What do you spend a lot of money on? Or, if you have a credit card, is it maxed out, if so what on? And what made you get a credit card in the first place?
Love, Peace, and Living Life to the Fullest
Heather
Guess what? I got credit, though it may not be perfect it is not horrible either. And it will only get better with time assuming I keep up with the payments. Every time I get a bill I think, "Man, if I had just saved my money I would have that computer with out making payments and paying twice the amount of the computer." By time I pay off all my credit cards and loans my computer will be obsolete and I will need a new one. Do you think I have learned after the first time around? No...once I get the bills paid down and notice my computer runs slow or my make up has run dry or my phone is so out of date...I will go borrow more money or run up that credit card one more time. All the while thinking "It will be different this time. I will make bigger payments and pay it off quicker." What can I say? I am the kind of person that HATES to wait for anything so saving money has never been my strong suit.
So maybe this year when the end of December rolls around and we watch the ball drop, ending the old and starting the new, I will make a resolution to save more money. Only I have run up my bills so much it is going to take a year or two just to pay everything off so I actually have money to save. It is a crazy cycle and I am stuck. Forever stuck in the horrible, terrible life that is debt. Or maybe I could actually wise up and start saving that last five dollars that I have nothing planned for. I might even stop buying pointless things that I know I will never use...like that membership to the gym. I could also stop making myself believe I need something when in fact I do not...like a new lamp that I have no room for. And I could go even further, grow smarter, and start selling stuff that I have in my room that I know I will never use or have a place for. Instead I just ship it off to goodwill because I am tired of looking at it, stepping over it, or trying to make it fit into my closet. Selling that stuff would probably be much better.
So the lesson of the day is: Heather is not good about thinking ahead. But why should I try to think ahead. Everyone keeps saying "Carpe` Diem" How can I seize the day if I am always worried about saving money? Why shouldn't I use my last five dollars to buy some funky make up that will probably suck and end up in the trash next year when I clean out my make up case? Why can't I just live a little, even if living a little leaves me broke?
I say LIVE A LOT! Stop being so worried about saving money and investing in the right stocks. Okay...so maybe you should save a little to buy a home and a car but after that...just LIVE! I don't have my own place, I live with my parents...but I do have my own car! And until my parents kick me out I think I will save worrying about saving money for when I get my career going.
Today I am living a little, staying up past my bed time. I work early tomorrow and I am losing sleep with every word I continue to type. So, I call this day an end and say goodnight.
I leave you with a question. What is your guilty pleasure? What do you spend a lot of money on? Or, if you have a credit card, is it maxed out, if so what on? And what made you get a credit card in the first place?
Love, Peace, and Living Life to the Fullest
Heather
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