Some days I just feel the need to explain myself. I get a lot of odd looks and comments when I say certain things. Actually I get a lot of odd looks all the time because of things I say. I say a lot of crazy things, but what can I say? I have an over active imagination. But tonight I would like to clear something up about a somewhat serious topic.
First of all, some people don't know about this yet. I have tried to keep it kind of low key because people tend to laugh and when more people know there are more people I disappoint if I don't go through with it.
Enough rambling. I plan to join the military, Air Force to be exact. Military has always been some what of a dream to me. I have been saying I was going to join the Navy since I was 12. Yeah, I wish I could still be that confident 12 year old that knew exactly where her life was going. I was going to join the Navy, go to law school, retire from the navy after 20 years and become the first female president. I had it all figured out. Then the end of high school snuck up on me. I got scared about leaving home and about failing. I have always been afraid of failing.
So, after high school I went to talk to the Navy recruiters and they just sort of broke my spirits. They let me take the ASVAB which I scored really high on. And then they broke the news that I was to fat to join. I was told once that they would send me to bootcamp anyways, but that wasn't true. So I gave up on my dream, went to ECPI and got my associates in Computer Electronics. After that I went to the local college and tried my hand at law, and dropped...then I tried several other things as well. I was never happy, then I ended up at ITT to get my bachelors. I am glad I did it but going back made me realize how much I had forgotten and I am still a little behind.
Then, in my attempt to make myself healthy and to lose weight I realized that I still want to go into the military. Instead of just trying to live a healthy life and become the skinny girl that all the guys would fall in love with (go ahead and laugh) I started working towards getting prepared for the Air Force. And for the first time in a long time I felt like I knew where my life was going again.
And now for the reason as to why I want to join the military. I once told my mom that I did not want to have kids and tell them the story of how I almost joined the military. I want to tell my kids the story of how I came about joining the military. On top of that, I would travel all over the world! What other job allows that? I get to travel and get paid to do so. It is amazing. Then there are the benefits to joining the military. If I stay long enough to retire (which I plan on doing) then I have medical care and an income for the rest of my life. All this is fantastic right?
The main reason I want to join is because being a part of the military means I am a part of something that is bigger than me. I will be a part of something amazing and almost magical. I will be in a position to learn to protect my family, friends, and the country I belong to. Sure, this means that I could possibly go to war one day and risk the chance of getting killed. But is that not worth it? To me it is worth everything I am to step in front of a built for...everyone. There are people I would die for but for the most part I would die for anyone. I can't stand the idea of some child getting shot because there was no one there to protect them. Or a family taken hostage because no one was strong enough to help. I want to be one of the people that helps take down all the demons of the world. I want to be the one in the front line taking down all the evil that tries to seep into the cracks. If I was to die protecting something as amazing as the people that surround me everyday, I will die happy.
Does it sound so lame now? Does it sound like I have lost my mind or that I am doing something stupid? I don't think so. Anything that I can do to make my life worth even the smallest breath I will take it. If I don't do what I think is right or important I am just another wasted soul. I am not here to just live day by day, step by step, or breath by breath. I am here to patch the hole that humanity has created. I am here to prove that there are still some people that have enough heart to take a stand and live for what they believe in. I am here to serve and protect. And that allows me to lay down every night with a smile.
The next time you question someone about why they want to join the military how about asking in a nicer way then the way I have been asked. Sure, there is money involved and the chance to travel. And I don't know what I would do with my life if I don't join the military. I have the need to do something that is not selfish. The need to be a part of something bigger than me. Of course, if I was to fall in love between now and March...who knows, maybe I would have a bigger purpose outside of the military. (yes, that was written for a laugh.)
And with all that out of the way I would like to share my fear as well. As much as all this makes me smile it also makes me want to hide in a dark corner. The closer I get to graduating college the more I feel I have to fear. I am terrified of going into the military, of being away from home. I have a fear of going to places that are unfamiliar and being around people that don't know me. I also have a fear that military is the wrong place for me. What if I am meant to do something else, something even bigger than the military. What if I am supposed to finish my book, get it published, and write more. What if I am supposed to inspire kids everywhere to live a life full of positive thoughts and love for one another. What if I am supposed to be some kind of leader to children growing up in hard lives. So many other things that I could do...and I often fear that the military will change who I am today.
I guess it is all up to me, right?
Until we meet again
*Heather*
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